Coping as a Family Carer – Managing stress, getting respite care, and maintainingwell-being while caring for an elderly relative

Being a family caregiver for an elderly parent or relative is a labor of love, but it can also be incredibly challenging. Long hours, emotional strain, and juggling caregiving with other responsibilities can leave you exhausted and stressed. You’re not alone – there are over 5.8 million unpaid carers in the UK looking after family members . Many struggle with feeling overwhelmed. In fact, one survey found 84% of carers feel more stressed and over half have suffered from depression as a result of their caring role .

The good news is that help and support exist. This article will provide strategies to cope with the demands of caregiving. We’ll cover ways to manage stress, how to get respite breaks, and why caring for yourself is not a luxury but a necessity. By prioritizing your own well-being, you’ll be better able to provide quality care for your loved one.

Recognize the Signs of Caregiver Stress

First, it’s important to acknowledge how caregiving is affecting you. Many family carers soldier on and ignore their own mental or physical health decline. Common signs of caregiver burnout include:

Constant fatigue, even after rest.

Feeling irritable, anxious, or depressed much of the time.

Trouble sleeping or frequent health issues (headaches, illness).

Withdrawing from friends, hobbies, or things you used to enjoy.

Feeling guilty to take any time off, or as if you’re the only one who can care properly.

Being short-tempered or impatient with the person you care for (a sign you’re running on empty).

If you see these signs in yourself, take them seriously. As Carers UK found, more than half of carers feel overwhelmed “often” or “always” . Stress can creep up gradually, so regular self-checks are important. Burnout doesn’t just hurt you – it can eventually compromise the care you give. Remember the saying: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Seek and Accept Help

Many caregivers feel they have to do everything themselves. But asking for help is not failing, it’s smart caregiving. Think about specific tasks others could do to lighten your load. For example:

Could a sibling take Mum to her medical appointments occasionally so you get a break?

Can friends or other family members spend an afternoon with your loved one, giving you time off?

Hire professional help for certain tasks if possible – maybe a cleaner for the house, or a paid carer to come in a couple times a week to relieve you.

Even a few hours off each week can make a difference. Respite care is key to survival as a carer. This means arranging alternate care for your loved one so you can rest. Respite can take many forms:

In-home respite: A professional caregiver from an agency (like Prime Eldercare’s hourly carers) comes to stay with your relative for a set period (a few hours, a full day, overnight) while you take time for yourself or handle other duties.

Day care centres: Many communities have day centres or programs where you can drop your loved one off for half or a full day to engage in activities and be looked after, while you get a break.

Respite stays in a care home: Some care homes offer short-term stays (a few days to a couple of weeks) specifically so family carers can have a holiday or rest. Your loved one becomes a temporary resident and gets 24/7 care during that period.

Family and friends rotation: If possible, coordinate with other relatives to share the care. Perhaps you do weekdays and a sibling takes over on Saturdays, for example.

The UK government recognizes the importance of respite. Under the Care Act 2014, you are entitled to a Carer’s Assessment by your local council to identify support needs you have as a carer . One outcome of that assessment could be provision of respite services or a personal budget to spend on getting breaks. Unfortunately, not all carers are getting this support – surveys show many aren’t offered assessments or services due to strained social care funding . But you should absolutely request a Carer’s Assessment from your council if you haven’t had one. It’s a legal right, and it opens the conversation about help for you.

Carers UK is campaigning for better respite support, calling on government to invest more in breaks for carers . In the meantime, do take advantage of what is available:

Contact your local carers’ center or Carers Trust network – they often run free sitting services, where a trained volunteer can sit with your loved one for an hour or two.

Look into charities – for example, Age UK in some areas offers day sitters or companionship services that give carers a breather.

If cost is an issue, see if the council offers any subsidized respite or if you qualify for Carer’s Allowance (which is £81.90 per week , though this is small, it can contribute towards paying for some help).

Some hospices offer respite for those caring for someone with a terminal condition, and some NHS services may provide a few weeks of care at home via NHS Continuing Healthcare if criteria are met.

The bottom line: don’t try to be a hero who never takes a break. Even an hour to yourself to take a walk or have a coffee can recharge you. It’s normal to feel hesitant to leave the person in someone else’s care, but remember, a short break can prevent a bigger breakdown later – for both of you.

Beyond getting breaks, it’s crucial to incorporate stress management techniques into daily life. Here are some approaches:

Stay connected with others: Caregiving can be isolating. Make an effort to call a friend, join an online forum for carers, or attend a local carer support group (many areas have them, where carers meet and share experiences). Simply talking to others who understand can be a huge relief.

Practice relaxation or mindfulness: Even short breathing exercises, meditation (there are apps specifically for caregivers), or prayer if you are spiritual can help center you. Taking 10 minutes in the morning or before bed to do deep breathing, gentle stretching, or listening to calming music can reduce stress hormones.

Exercise when you can: Physical activity is one of the best stress-busters. Try to get some movement each day – a quick walk, doing some yoga or an exercise video at home, or even dancing in the kitchen. If you can’t leave the house, maybe the person you care for can sit in a wheelchair or chair and do some exercises with you. It boosts endorphins and improves mood and sleep.

Keep up with your own health: Don’t skip your medical appointments. Ensure you and your GP know you are a carer – carers are often eligible for free flu jabs and other support. Pay attention to persistent signs of stress like high blood pressure, and seek treatment.

Set boundaries and learn to say no: You cannot do everything. It’s okay to prioritize and sometimes say no to additional responsibilities or social commitments if you’re at capacity. Conversely, saying yes to offers of help – if a friend offers to pick up groceries, let them! Conserve your energy where you can.

Adjust Your Mindset: Ditch Guilt

Carers often carry a lot of guilt – feeling they’re not doing enough, or feeling bad for wanting time off. It’s important to reframe those thoughts. Remind yourself that by caring, you are already doing something incredible that not everyone can do. You are entitled to normal human needs (rest, enjoyment, health). Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your loved one.

When using respite or placing your relative in someone else’s care temporarily, you might worry “What if they’re unhappy with me for this?” or “I should be able to do it all.” These feelings are normal, but try to push back with logic: Everyone needs a break. Even professional carers have days off and shifts; you deserve the same. Respite is often beneficial for the elderly person too – they get a refreshed carer afterwards, and sometimes they enjoy the company of others or a change of scene.

If caregiving is overwhelming, consider counseling. Many carers find it helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to process complex emotions (grief, frustration, guilt). There are often free counselling services for carers offered by charities or local carers’ organizations.

Maintain Your Identity and Well-being

You are more than just a carer. It’s important to keep a sense of self outside of the caregiving role. Try to:

Pursue a hobby or interest, even if in a limited way. Maybe you used to enjoy reading – can you set aside 15 minutes each night to read? If you love gardening, involve your loved one or use respite time to tend the garden. These activities remind you of who you are and provide mental escape.

Stay connected to work if you are employed or wish to be. If you’ve left work to care, know your skills are still there. Some carers work part-time or flexibly. If you are balancing job and care, inform your employer of your situation – you have a right to request flexible working arrangements which many carers use to adjust hours. (Also, as of 2024, employees have a right to one week of unpaid Carer’s Leave per year to handle caring responsibilities.)

Take care of your own healthcare, diet, and sleep. It’s easy to neglect these when busy. Try to eat regular, nourishing meals (not just rely on caffeine and snacks) – perhaps cook the same healthy food for you and your loved one. If sleep is interrupted because you’re listening out at night, see if someone can cover some nights or use technology (like a baby monitor) so you can rest in another room knowing you’ll be alerted if needed.

Celebrate small victories. Caregiving can be thankless, so allow yourself to acknowledge when you handled a tough day or when your loved one smiled and thanked you. Give yourself credit; positive self-talk can reduce stress.

Finally, know that it’s okay to consider long-term solutions if caregiving becomes too much. Placing a loved one in residential care or increasing professional home care is not a failure on your part. Sometimes the needs exceed what a family can reasonably provide. Your health and your loved one’s safety both matter. There is support in making those transitions if needed (geriatric care managers, social workers can guide you).

Support is Available

You don’t have to do this alone. In the UK, numerous resources exist for carers:

Carers UK and Carers Trust – national charities offering advice lines, forums, and advocacy for carers’ rights.

Local carers support groups – check with your council or GP for groups near you.

Respite and daycare services – find out what’s in your area via the council or charities

Financial support – Carer’s Allowance, Attendance Allowance for the person you care for, and possibly council tax reductions or other benefits. (See our Navigating Elder Care Funding article for more on this.)

At Prime Eldercare, we understand the vital role family carers play. We frequently work with family caregivers to supplement the care they give – whether through respite care visits or a regular schedule to share duties. Many of our clients are family carers who finally felt comfortable taking a break once we stepped in to help.

Call to Action: If you need a helping hand, even temporarily, reach out to Prime Eldercare. We can provide reliable respite care or part-time care to ease your load. Remember, accepting help is one of the best things you can do for both yourself and your loved one. You deserve support – you’re doing an amazing job, and with the right strategies and help in place, you can sustain it without sacrificing your own well-being.